Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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