He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Someone shattered a urinal.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
