Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
