he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
