Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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