when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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