i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
