I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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