May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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