If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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