i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
