Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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