i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
