i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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