girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
