just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
