Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
