I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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