i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
