There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
