Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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