butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
