Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
