yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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