You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
