im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
