I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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