My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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