i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
