Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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