dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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