he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize