No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
