"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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