Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
