So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
