Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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