He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
