first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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