I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How's work?
Spinning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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