First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
