How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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