I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
