4 words: hood of his car
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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