Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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