this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
