I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
