I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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