Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
