He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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