The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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