These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
