guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
