this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
