I got chris browned last night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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