i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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