Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
