So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
