help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
