She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
