I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
