Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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