Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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